CBT

I have felt really down in the last few days, especially yesterday.  I was really, really feeling sorry for myself and I think it is the worst I have felt for a while.  Something is playing up in my mind and I really don’t know what it is, but I have been to CBT therapy today, and she might have just given me a clue as to what to do to identify it.

One of the things I do a lot is over-think and over-analyse things.  The worst part is, when I start feeling down I ask myself “why” am I feeling this way?  What is causing this feeling?  Then I start thinking I am not worthy and I shouldn’t be alive.  The exercise she has given me is to write down what has happened, and then the intensity of my mood (0-100%) and what were my thoughts after that.  I did that a couple of weeks ago, but this time she wants me to add a few more columns, such as what is it that supports my thoughts and what is it against it.  Then reformulate the thought itself, so in theory, the mood intensity should be better.  I kind of did it in my head and I can see it can really work, so can’t wait to put it in practice.

On the other hand, I still have the issue of loneliness, but then again I can’t really do anything about that.  Talk about getting the support of your family!!!  My mom, sister and I usually email each other every day to see how things are going.  But this morning I was not particularly in the mood of talking so didn’t reply to any of their emails, only when my mom asked where was I.  I replied back and said how I felt, and haven’t heard from them for over 5 hours now!  Usually its emails coming and going all day long, but as soon as I expressed my feelings, they didn’t come back.  Why do I bother?  I should really just pretend everything is alright and leave it at that!