How do you know when it is right?

I am not sure what is happening to me.  I am supposed to be moving forward with my life, but yet, I feel like I am stuck in one place without going either forward or backwards.  I had quite big events happening over the weekend, to which I was extremely overwhelmed.  It was confirmed to me that although I love this man with all my heart, there is no chance for us to be together and that broke my heart.  On the other hand, I was able to close that chapter of my life and allow someone else to get close to me.  I am still quite apprehensive about it, but I also know that I HAVE to move forward with my life.  It is only early days, so will have to wait and see how it goes.

On different subject, I think I need to review my medication.  I have now been taking it for almost 5 weeks and I cannot feel it has made a huge difference in me.  I often still cry and am down most of the time, so I have today called my doctor to review it.  I have an appointment for Friday, so hopefully I will be able to get that bit of my life sorted out.

I first started taking antidepressants when my ex-husband was diagnosed with Testis cancer, 6 years ago.  It was quite a traumatic event and it was found so suddenly that I was unable to cope with all that was going on.  I only took it for about 6 months, when he was back to “normal” after his operation.  Although I had been living with my husband for 5 years already, I never felt “happy” and I was just plodding on.  When we moved countries, it was quite difficult for him to adjust and often we would have arguments.  He is the kind of person who will moan all his life about something, but actually won’t do anything to change it.  He kept moaning about how much he hates his job and after 2 years of constant moaning I started telling him that they would not come to knock on the door offering a job, that he needed to go out there and change his circumstances.  But in his eyes, that was a sign that I was not supportive towards him, so he found himself “someone else” to help him cope with his situation.  I found out he was cheating on me in June 2006 and finally left him in February 2008.  I was on antidepressants then again, but this time for a longer period of time, which is why I think it took so long for me to make the final decision.  I don’t know about you, but I feel that when I am taking antidepressants I am not capable of making good decisions, and I think this one was one of those.

This is getting quite long, so I perhaps will tell you the story of when I started taking antidepressants again about 3 years ago, but I will do that another time.