I’ve been thinking, and life sucks! I’ve had a few weeks really crap, but even before that I have been having trouble getting energy to do anything. I get up in the morning, try and get ready and as the day goes by, my energy levels go down, and down, to the point where I need to sleep, sometimes all afternoon. And when 10:00pm arrives, again I am exhausted and my eyes close on their own, and when I think back as to what I have done all day, the answer is only one: NOTHING!
I don’t know where this lack of energy is coming from, I don’t know why I don’t feel like doing anything. I went to my doctor and he feels that it is linked to my mood and he decided that Cipralex is not working for me anymore, so he has asked me to reduce the dose from 20mg down to 10mg and take Venlafaxine 75mg. I still wish I was dead. I don’t think it matters how many times they change my medication, the truth is I have wanted to be dead since I was a teenager. Always have and I think I always will. Sometimes more than others, but the fact remains the same.
The truth is I am petrified. I don’t feel confident enough to go back to work, but I can’t keep going the way I am. Very soon I am not going to be able to pay the bills and the least I want is to be a burden for my family. I have shared this with my mom, but she insist that I am not a burden for her, that she will always be there for me, but the truth is that it should be me looking after her, not the other way around!
My head if full of ideas and thoughts, but unfortunately none of them are constructive. It doesn’t matter how many “positive” books I read, how many “inspirational” CD’s I listen to, at the end of the day, I still feel the same. I don’t want to, but I do.
First of all, as a mother, my daughter would never be, no matter what, a burden to me and I'm sure your mother feels the same way.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I agree. The fatigue and lack of energy is one of the most persistent and frustrating symptoms. I found reading about positive thinking etc. a waste of time and setting goals actually discouraging. Now I try to one thing every day. If that is take a shower good for me. Once I started taking the pressure off I began to feel less overwhelmed by what I wanted to/ should do and was able to take "baby steps" (a somewhat overused expression but appropriate for me) I try to congratulate myself for every little thing I accomplish. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
P.S. I was on effexor too, switched to Pristiq and I'm doing a little better, side effects aren't as bad, but I'm no doctor.