I am actually very overwhelmed by the amount of comments I received in my last post. I can honestly tell you that I was convinced no one was even interested in what I had to say. For several days I waited, and waited and no one said anything and that gave me a clue that perhaps it was true what I was thinking.
Thank you to everyone who responded. The time for my “plan” to end it all is not here yet, so I still have some time to keep thinking about things. I had a conversation with my mother and explained what I had posted. She understood but she still feels that if I actually commit suicide, they will still feel guilty since they did not do enough for me. I explained that they have, but it is just me, my brain, the way I was raised, the country I was raised in.
I am starting the painful process of claiming benefits, for which I may add, I feel very bad about. I should be able to provide for myself, and this alone is a very strong metal thing I am currently fighting.
Thank you guys. I will keep you posted on what is happening with me!
I am so glad to see this post from you this morning :) ♥
ReplyDeletePlease consider other options. They are out there. Your life is waiting for you to lead it and it could be amazing, like you are.
Lots of love x x
I haven't been so up to date in following blogs so I am just seeing your old email now.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you are still fighting.
You deserve the happiness that will be yours G-d willing very soon. Life has its ups and downs. you just haven't gotten your ups yet.
Keep strong! There are so many who care even if we are far away...
I'm so happy to hear this. Please don't give up.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you!
I'm glad you stopped to think. And that you now know that you're certainly not the only person who suffers from depression.
ReplyDeleteIt helps to know you're not alone.
As you know there are a lot of people out there who you've never met but share some or all of the things you are going through and are giving you some support, for what it's worth here's my take on some of the things you've written.
ReplyDelete20/1. feeling ungrateful... there are alot of people worse off than us. You can only help them if you're in a better place. So you have to beat your misery first.
25/2. Not worthy, I guess if we could do a poll on how worthy everybody felt we'd get results from 0 to 100%. I found the following useful http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Worth---5-Steps-To-Respecting-Yourself&id=287312 but there are numerous things out there on the web that will be a help in discovering your true worth.
17/3. killing yourself is a long term solution to a short term problem. As you know by the replies to your blog. There's a lot of help and support out there which can get you to where you want to be.
13/4. It's not the outside that needs to change that's a reflection of what's in you. It's what's inside that needs to change. All the good things you need are already inside you. They are just squashed down by some of the things you don't need and need to let go of.
8/5. The fact you are writing your blog and trying to set goals means you're doing something to beat this. Which is a huge plus and to your credit.
It's taken you years to reach the bottom so it may take a bit of time to get out of it. Some days things will be good others not so good. It's lots of tiny steps to start then hopefully big strides later but you can get there. Keep writing and mention the good as well as the bad.
Best wishes Spanner.