There it is again. That feeling of sadness and that nothing I do is going to get rid of it. The last week I have been trying to get closer to my family by inviting them for dinner on Wednesday night and then for a BBQ last Monday, since it was bank holiday here in England. Both times, after they left, I felt extremely sad and the day after even more so. I would just like to know what it all means!
And it is not like I go to bed sad, or with negative thoughts. Like last night, I was thinking of all the “productive” things I was going to get done today. I woke up and all I want to do is keep on sleeping, but I have not been sleeping alright. For the last couple of weeks my sleep has been so bad, that I just fear going to bed at night. It is driving me insane.
I just wish there was a more speedy way to get out of this state. I am scared, anxious, preoccupied, and nervous about having to claim benefits. I have never needed anyone to help me out financially before. Since I was 17 I have worked my way through and never needed anyone. Now, that I am 37 I find myself on the bridge of desperation because of this horrible illness. It is moments like these that I just wish I was dead.
How much longer? :’(
I'm sorry it's so hard :(
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you tried to get closer to your family. Maybe you were feeling sad after because you prefer having company to being alone? I've definitely found that if I'm having a really bad day, sometimes talking to someone - about anything - really makes a huge difference. We are made to be social! Are there any other opportunities for you to be around other people?
Praying for you x x
I am not sure if you are taking medication or not, sometimes it can take months before the drs can find a medicine that works. Hang on. Do what you can to do your normal routine, even if all u can do is get up and sit there and surf the internet or watch tv.... It will get better! Hugs, Kim
ReplyDeleteHello Linda :-)
ReplyDeleteFirstly pat yourself on the back for making the positive decision to get closer to your family. Positive actions far outweigh the negative ones. Doing things on your own is fairly safe, if it doesn't happen or goes wrong no one knows. Including others requires trust and the shared knowledge that you need their help but achieving things when you include others is a much better feeling. Partly I guess because it's a shared experience. Keep rolling forward Linda and let go of the past.
Best wishes Spanner.