I do I control stress???

I am worried sick!  I have been off work now for almost 2 weeks, and to be honest, I don’t think I can face going back to work.  I have an appointment with my doctor and I have a feeling that he is going to sign me off again.  My boss just told me that he “needs to talk to me”, and I have no idea what it is all about.

I have never been the kind of person that gets signed off work and I have always been known to be very responsible, but this time, I am feeling so guilty, and that is making my depression even worse.  I try not to think about it, but I just can’t help it.  The thought that I might not be able to go back to work is worrying me sick and I just don’t know what to do.  I have a mortgage and bills to pay and I live on my own.  My family is not in the financial position to help me, so that leaves just me to take care of things.  I can’t keep going like this and I need to do something, but I am at loss as to what.

I just wish I didn’t have all this pressure since it is driving me insane.  I don’t know what to do and I am losing the will to live in the process.

The other night I was thinking, what about I could fall in a coma, and be completely out of it for a few months, and then, when I wake up, my brain has been “reset” and I am all back to normal.  I suppose I have still not accepted that I have a mental illness, and I must confess I am having trouble coming to terms with it.  I just want to be my old self, the one who would get up in the morning, go to work, do what she had to do and keep going with her life.  I don’t like having the insight of “reality”, if there is any.

I suppose I just have to wait to see what it is that my boss wants to tell me.... Wish me luck :o(