Is it really working?

Well, it seems something is working.  Whether it’s the medication, or I have changed my way of thinking, I am not sure.

When I upped my dose of Cipralex to 15mg about 4 weeks ago, I still felt lonely, sad, hopeless, unworthy and a sense of nothingness, but at least the suicidal thoughts were not there anymore.  I was still not happy with the results because before taking Cipralex, at least I would go out and walk every day and would try to do things.  In the last 2-3 weeks, I have been giving in to my feeling of not doing anything and found myself spending most of the time in my flat, not going out and doing nothing at all.  I then decided last Thursday that I would up my dose to 20mg, which is what the CMHT recommended, and I think (fingers crossed) it is starting to work (or at least that is what I feel). 

I have had a couple of episodes where I have been on top of the world one day, and then the next I am right in the bottom again, but in the last few days, I have felt well but with a sense of carefulness, and it seems to be staying levelled.  Of course I was very afraid that I would be at the bottom the next day, so decided to proceed with precaution about my thoughts and actions, but the next days, I have woken up feeling quite energetic, which is something I haven’t felt for quite a while.

I will not sing victory just as yet, and I am really looking forward to my appointment this Friday with the Psychiatrist at the CMHT.  I don’t want to fall into a sense of false security.  I want to be absolutely, 100% sure that I am on the road to recovery and to getting my life back!

Wish me luck!