Having a little baby at home!

I forgot all about what it is to have a little baby cat!  I got Sparky on Monday after a very rushed decision, although I am certain it is my survival instincts making me have an excuse to live longer that I really want to.  It’s like the will.  I didn’t sign it for months just to have an excuse not to kill myself “yet”.

On the other hand, I still have a headache.  On Sunday, it will be 3 weeks since I’ve had it, and I am tired of it.  I thought it might have been one of the side effects for Cipralex, but after this time it should have gone away by now.  I will be calling the CMHT to verify whether Cipralex is causing this or not.

Tomorrow my aunt will be having her engagement party.  I am very happy for her since she had a very hard time trying to reach this point in her life, but on the other hand, I must admit I feel quite depressed, since I am still alone, and no one is even close to be a “potential” partner.  I have tried to brainwash myself saying that I am better on my own, since my first marriage was a disaster and my attempt to live with Graham was a complete nightmare, and now that I have the “peace” of mind, I can’t help but feel that I would love to have some kind of companion close to me.

I think this is why I got Sparky.  The spirit of a kitten, playful, running from one end of the flat to the other, cuddling with me at night and seeking as much attention as he can, is proving to be refreshing for me.  He puts a smile in my face and makes me feel good.  I can’t believe this life is my responsibility, and I want to give him everything so he is happy here.  I must say, Tigre and Mota are not the happiest, but they have accepted him, and that is enough for me.  About a year ago, I failed trying to integrate another cat in the house, although she was an old female as well, and to top things up, she was deaf!  I tried to follow every rule and advise about how to integrate a kitten to older cats, and so far, it has worked wonderfully!

It is still hard for me to go out, and all I want to do is stay home in bed, hoping for this headache to go away.  I am feeling very drained, both physically and emotionally of carrying this constant pain day and night.  Not being able to do anything, because as soon as I bend over and get up again, my head is pounding, life if my heart was in there!

Let’s see what the CMHT say....