It doesn’t
matter how hard I try, I still feel like I don’t belong in this world. I get up in the morning, try to ignore this
empty feeling and try to get on with my day.
Truth is, I don’t want to. I don’t
want to feel “alright” one day, and then awful the next. Somehow knowing that it will always be like
that, makes it even worse. It might be
an issue of acceptance. I don’t accept I
have an illness that will render me insane most of the time.
I started
working when I was 17 years old. Never
missed a day of work because I was feeling “down”. There was no option. I had to do it, just like now. But it is different now. I know I HAVE to do it, but I just can’t. Unlike before, this is killing me inside and I
can’t find a way to battle it. I am
taking 2 lots of drugs, and still don’t feel the benefit. Can’t hold a job, can’t hold a
relationship. I feel I am draining my
family so I stopped telling them how I feel.
I just wish no one had brought me back 3 years ago.
Suicide is
something I think about every day. I
even dream I commit suicide. I just want
the emptiness to stop. I want to be “normal”
again. Had CBT, Counselling, Drugs,
talking, walking, crying, sleeping, but nothing works.
I just hope
the days to come are better. I am
honestly loosing the will to keep going.
I hope you guys are doing better.
Compassion is one of the most beautiful of human qualities. It allows us to care for eachother with energy and heart. To understand from other perspectives.
ReplyDeleteWould you do something for me. Read this post buy replace 'I' with 'You'. Listen to the words and ask yourself if you can hear the voice of kindness and compassion.
Compassion is not just something we show eachother. It is something we learn to show ourselves too. When we are unable to do so... after every effort, that is when we know for sure we are not able to look after ourselves and need to call on the help of others.
Spot each small kindness you show yourself and know this is progress. Keep fighting Linda. You are worth fighting for.... hugs from me.
Linda, I feel you.
ReplyDeleteYou came to boost me in a time of need. I want to return the favour. As much as you feel like you are a burden right now, I can assure you that your love, kindness, devotion, supportive nature, understanding, caring is what those around you see most. They know that the depression is not all of you, but a part of you that needs them. Truth is they probably need you more.
Keep exploring. Something will eventually give you the meaning you are you need.
And hold on a little longer.
Praying for you, Linda. Keep holding on and know that however hard it gets, you are never alone. We love you, we're right behind you. And more importantly, God loves you and God will meet you where you are & carry you through if you ask Him to.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSXs6f2LMvk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_yW567Y2uw
So much love <3 x
I know how hard it can be to carry on when you don't know what the next day will bring. Please hold on, I'm praying for you and try to remember there are good days coming.
ReplyDeleteJust calling by to see how you are feeling. Let me know when you feel able. Lots of hugs. Med
ReplyDelete